brittography

i have no school today
and this is what i decided to do
rot in front of my computer
because i have no friends
i'm so lame sometimes
i'm good at keeping quiet lately
people are good at listening to themselves
i just smile and nod my head
i'm good at that
i'm no longer articulate
the moss has covered up my lips
and sown them shut
why speak when no one is listening?
i find myself creating double standards every minute
for example
this blog
i'm writing things out
even though i know no one is listening
i'm such a waste of a human being
prom is tomorrow
i don't want to go
i don't have a date
nor do i have a group of friends to go with
i'm going with a group of people that are all coupled off
i didn't do that purposely
everyone i know is going with someone
i asked a couple of people
but they all turned me down
what did i expect?
i don't really dance much either
my parents want me to go
maybe i could go and then leave early alone
that might make more sense
i'll go find something to do in a ball gown
i'm so lame sometimes
especially when i repeat myself

i may have the kissing disease
but i haven't kissed anyone in months
pretty depressing, huh?
anyway
hopefully i will be enjoying school tomorrow
i've been able to swallow successfully all day
that's a good thing
the phone is ringing
i think it's my grandma
i'm just letting it ring
it is my grandma.
she's gargling words at my answering machine
i just turned up my music to drown her out
does that make me a bad person?
:)
i've been reading almost obsessively for the past 4 days
there's not much to do when you are sick and alone
i've managed to get through a ridiculous werewolf novel in a day
now i'm halfway through a beautiful book
i'm trying to read in spurts
i'm sick of reading books so quickly and forgetting them almost instantaneously
so i'm reading the time traveler's wife
and i'd like to recommend it to everyone
because it is fabulous
and so well written
i'm pacing myself with it
i've only read 150 pages today
hopefully i can stop myself before bed from finishing the whole thing off
i'll be up all night
and that'll start my sickness all over again
such is life
i feel like i've been running backwards all day
the only thing that has made me smile genuinely was seeing jake gyllenhaal while flipping through channels on trl
don't call me a little girl or anything
but i think he is the most gorgeous man in the world
i think him and conor oberst and jesse lacey should have a party
hahaha
school girl crushes are the best!

30 things about me

1. i'm a nailbiter and i'm pretty sure i always will be
2. i'm not straight edge, but i'm not a chronic partier either
3. i really do love music.
4. clowns have scared me since i saw "it" in the 8th grade
5. i was a natural blond until halfway through freshman year, but no one remebers me that way
6. i sleep erratically all the time
7. it frustrates me that i'm always contradicting myself
8. i'd rather read than watch tv
9. i hate politics/politicians in general
10. i'm not very religious, because i have a hard time believing there is an explanation for everything.
11. i prefer black and white photography
12. i can probably recite any bright eyes song and i don't think that makes me a loser
13. i love the feeling of water churning over me
14. i'm afraid of dark water (this made it almost impossible for me to go skinny dipping once)
15. i've never been very graceful and my cousins used to pick on me because of this.
16. i'm alone, because i feel like i can't trust anyone around me
17. i've been used more times than i'd like to remember
18. i always have warm cheeks. warm enough to make you think i have a fever
19. pearls really do make any woman look beautiful
20. i love snowflakes in the air
21. everything is more beautiful when it is surrounded in lights
22. i've loved 2 bands since 7th grade and i still love them
23. i've watched lifetime movies since i was little with me mom and i'm starting to think that's why i'm so fucked up
24. i laugh a lot
25. i love to paint, but i wish i was better at it
26. sometimes i listen to music and try to apply people i know to the lyrics
27. i really love to help people
28. i'm a navy brat and never have full recovered
29. i wish i could believe people care, but i've got no proof
30. highschool is a circus ring for teachers' entertainment and i feel like i'm the main show

Color Suvey
RED
1. Closest red thing to you? a sharpie
2. Last thing to make you angry? school
3. Do you have a temper? not normally. it's more inward
4. Are you a fan of romance? i suppose
ORANGE
1. Closest orange thing to you: a binder
2. Do you like to burn things? not anymore, because my brother is a pyro
3. Dress up for Halloween? yes most times
4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person? i try
5. Do you have anything against redheaded people? not so much...seeing as i am one
6. Are you usually full of energy? some days

YELLOW
1. Closest yellow thing to you? a rubber duckie. don't ask why it's in my dining room
2. The happiest time[s] of your life? i don't know... when i was little i suppose
3. Favorite holiday? i'm not sure
4. Are you a coward? sometimes
5. Do you burn or tan? burn!

GREEN
1. Closest green thing to you? a plant
2. Do you care about the environment? i get overwhelmed with it
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? yes
4. Are you a lucky person? not at all
5. Do you always want what you can't have? yes
6. Do you like being outdoors? yes
7. Are you Irish? very

BLUE
1. Closest blue thing to you? a painting
2. Are you good at calming people down? yes
3. Do you like the sea? i've been around it my whole life
4. What was the last thing that made you cry? i don't want to talk about it
5. Are you a logical thinker? yes to me
6. Can you sleep easily? no

PURPLE
1. Last purple thing you saw? i don't remember
2. Like being treated to expensive things? no not really
3. Do you like mysterious things? yes
4. Favorite type of chocolates? that's a dumb question
5. Ever met anyone in royalty? no i don't think so

PINK
1. Closest pink thing to you? a sharpie
2. Do you like sweet things? yes
3. Like play-fighting? ??
4. Are you sensitive? i suppose
5. Do you like music? ofcourse

WHITE
1. Closest white thing to you? the walls
2. Would you say you're innocent? sorta
3. Good at keeping the peace? yes
4. How do you imagine your wedding? i don't know
5. Do you like to play in the snow? yes!
6. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist? yes

BLACK
1. Closest black thing to you? my shirt
2. Ever enjoy hurting people? No
3. Are you sophisticated or silly? i don't think either
4. Do you want to go into space? not really
5. Do you have a lot of secrets? yes
6. What is your favorite color? dark blue
7. Does the color you wear affect your mood? no not really